


Reconcile

by Merlucafan



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:30:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21660862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merlucafan/pseuds/Merlucafan
Summary: Meredith and Andrew are still 'on a break'.Merluca one shot.
Relationships: Meredith Grey/Andrew DeLuca
Comments: 5
Kudos: 66





	Reconcile

“Not it. Him. McWidow.” 

Meredith stands at the elevator door, phone in hand, staring after Cormac Hayes. 

“What is Cristina thinking?!” she thought to herself. 

Meredith had been dumped by her resident boyfriend not even a week ago and her person was already sending her ‘packages’. Meredith had to admit Cristina had good taste - he came across arrogant and cold on the surface, but Meredith was sure she saw a glimpse of something else there - something she was pretty sure they had in common. A kindness they kept hidden behind walls. If she wasn’t still reeling from being dumped by Andrew she might have been tempted by him. 

She berated herself in her thoughts - she must stop calling him Andrew. He’s DeLuca again now, as much as that kills her. Their conversation from that night has been playing in her mind non-stop since. She thought being back at the hospital would be a big enough distraction; that she might not even care her relationship was over because she had her one true love back. But she was not heartless enough to try and convince herself that could be true. 

Andrew had meant so much more to her than she cared to admit to anyone. She tried to play off that being dumped by a resident wasn’t a big deal, despite being a little humiliating. But she couldn’t convince herself of that. The evenings she was alone felt so empty, lonely. They’d spent more and more time together over the last few months when she hadn’t been working - eventually they became inseparable, except for when Andrew was at the hospital or she was at work crew. But now she was alone in her empty bed every night and she hated it. She’d gotten used to him being there and even she can admit she maybe took that for granted slightly more than she should have. 

Even when he’d tried to tell her that he hadn’t dumped her, that he’d just asked her to take some time. To her, that was all the same. But the more time she spent alone thinking of him and replaying that in her head, she realised he might not have been completely wrong to calmly, rationally tell her how he felt… 

“Enough - There’s no point rehashing it over and over, it’s done” she muttered to herself as she headed through the hospital lobby at the end of her shift. She headed back home to another night alone in her empty bed. 

It was late and the kids were already asleep by the time she got home. She said thank you and goodbye to Tanya and didn’t have the energy to do anything other than head straight up to bed herself. 

She undressed and put on the oversized t-shirt she’d been sleeping in for the past week. Andrew had left it at her house and she couldn’t bear to return it to him. As long as nobody saw her wearing it, she’d allow herself to keep this one piece of him. 

She fell into a restless sleep, her senses filled with his scent and her mind filled with thoughts of him. 

********************************************************************* 

After another restless night, Meredith stopped at the coffee cart outside the hospital - it was so much better than the cafeteria coffee. She ordered her coffee and was checking her schedule on her phone waiting for the barista to make her order. She noticed a presence to the side of her and looked up to see Dr Hayes behind her in line stepping up to place his order. 

“Good morning Dr Grey. Can I get you a coffee?” He asked Meredith politely. 

“I’m good, I already ordered. Thank you though” she nodded back just as politely and looking back to her phone. 

“Just a large Americano for me then please”. 

Meredith got a shiver when he said that. He had the same coffee order as Andrew, and it reminded her of their daily coffee breaks together. She glanced up at him and he must have felt her gaze because he looked down at her with a slightly awkward smile. 

Their coffees were done at the same time so they took them and headed into the hospital together. The silence was a little awkward, but they managed to fill it with polite conversation about how he was finding the hospital, and the cases he had. 

“I’ve heard a lot about Alex Karev from the kids on the ward - it seems they don’t take kindly to strangers!” Hayes said with a chuckle. 

Meredith reciprocated the laugh and replied, “Yes you have some pretty big shoes to fill! But I’m sure you’ll do just fine”. 

“So, Karev’s your husband? I heard he was married to an attending” 

“What, no! We’re just very good friends” Meredith replied with a slight sound of astonishment in her voice. She hesitated for a beat and then added, “I’m not married”. 

Dr Hayes must have taken that in the wrong context, judging by what he said next. 

“Oh. Good. Well if you ever want to grab a proper coffee, you know, outside of the hospital..” he trailed off, looking Meredith directly in the eye, awaiting her response. 

God, the man moves quickly, Meredith thought to herself. 

“Um, Dr Hayes I’m flattered but um, I’m not available” she decided to say, which wasn’t a lie. Even though she didn’t know where things stood with her and Andrew, her heart wasn’t available right now - it still belonged to him, despite her not knowing whether it should. Sure, he was just asking her for a coffee, but she wasn’t open to even that right now. 

“No problem, Dr Grey. I understand. Well, I’ll see you around”. And with that, he was heading off into the hospital, as casual as if they’d just been speaking about the weather. 

Meredith stood rooted to the spot, a little confused at the encounter, before shaking her head slightly as if to rid it from her mind and carrying on towards the attendings lounge to change ready for the day. 

*******************************************************  
Andrew was just starting his shift after taking a couple of days leave. He wasn’t sick, nor did he have any plans. He just needed some time to not be around Meredith and the buzz of her being back in the hospital being the topic of everybody’s conversation. 

He headed to the coffee cart as he did before every shift. He swore being chief resident was killing him, and he needed at least two cups of coffee before he could function. But it was a great distraction from he and Meredith's ... whatever it was. He refused to admit it was a breakup, but it seemed a little more final than just “taking some time”. 

They hadn’t spoken since her surprise welcome back to the hospital where she told him he may as well have broken up with her, it was all the same. He’d wanted to - so badly - but that defeated the object of them both taking time. It was killing him to not be able to call her, text her, or grab her during a slow day for a stolen kiss in the lab. But he knew it wouldn’t be forever, that she’d come around and they could talk when she’d settled back into work. He was willing to give her the time she needed as he truly believed it would strengthen their relationship and he needed her to appreciate him and see him as her equal. 

He’d replayed the conversation with Link over and over while he’d been wallowing at home the last couple of days. Perhaps he hadn’t been fair to give her that ultimatum? To confront her like that? It’s true - he wasn’t her equal, he could only hope to ever be on her level. But that was their work life. He wanted more balance in their personal and romantic life. He wanted to feel like she was in this relationship as much as he was, and to not feel shut out for the important things. 

So he still stood by his decision, his words. But he had resolved on his way to work that morning he would speak to her today and try to clear the air a little. He had to make it clear he had most definitely not “dumped” her, but still wanted her to know she had some thinking to do. 

He rounded the corner to the coffee cart and his heart pounded a little harder when he saw her there, checking her phone waiting for a coffee. 

“This is perfect,'' he thought. The perfect opportunity to get her on her own and speak to her before they got caught up in the madness of the day. He slowly headed towards her, psyching himself up when he noticed the new Paeds attending arrive behind her. Andrew hung back and watched while they seemed to exchange polite conversation. 

He saw them go into the hospital, laughing and seemingly enjoying the conversation. He saw them stop in the lobby to finish their conversation. He saw Hayes step a fraction closer to Meredith and look at her intently before smiling and parting ways. 

He didn’t hang around to see anymore. He doubled back to go round to the ER entrance so he wouldn’t have to walk past Meredith talking with the new doctor. He forgot all about his coffee in his haste to get out of there. 

He knew he had to talk to her today, but after that he needed a little time to compose himself. 

For the rest of his shift, he was barely focused. Lucky for him it was a slow day and he was mainly just doing routine post-op checks. He was sitting at the Nurse’s station filling in a chart when he heard Meredith’s voice giving patient orders to her intern. 

“So check on him every hour and page me immediately if his vitals so much as blink” he could hear her say. 

She put her tablet into the charging station and that’s when she noticed him. 

“Oh, hello Dr DeLuca” she said. Andrew flinched at the way she said his name, as though he was just any other resident to her now. 

But then their eyes met for what felt like forever. After a few seconds, Meredith was the one to break the gaze first. She looked down, back up at him and then turned and walked away without another word. 

Andrew couldn’t tear his eyes away quite so easily. He watched her walk down the hall and into her tiny, makeshift office - on old, unused supply closet where she had a tiny desk and an armchair. 

Something in him clicked. He didn’t know if it was anger or passion - he suspected a catalyst of both. He abandoned his notes and strode with purpose down the hallway, entering the same room Meredith had moments before. He burst into the room and didn’t wait for her to even acknowledge his presence before letting out everything he’d been holding in the last few days. 

“Dr DeLuca? Is that all I am to you now?” Andrew said in a louder voice than he intended. 

Meredith looked a little taken aback at the sudden intrusion into her office, where she’d been scrolling through her phone in the armchair. 

“You broke up with me, remember…” 

“Meredith, you know damn well I didn’t break up with you! I wanted to give you some space and time to think about what you want, because lately it doesn’t feel like I’m a part of that, but you’re going around telling people I dumped you, people are taking sides and this is not what I wanted! And then seeing you already moving on with the new Paeds guy, like what what had never meant anything to you… ” 

“Wait, what? What are you talking about?” Meredith stood up and interrupted Andrew’s rant, a tone of confusion in her voice. 

“I saw you two together this morning, at the coffee cart. That used to be our thing and now you’re grabbing coffee with him. I saw the way he looked at you..” 

Meredith interrupted Andrew again, who was now sounding defeated rather than angry. He was running his hands erratically through his hair, something Meredith had come to know as a tell tale sign for when he was stressed. It’s something she always found extremely sexy about him, despite this being the completely wrong time to notice that. 

“Firstly, if you think that I’d move on that quickly and not even have the decency to speak to you about it, honestly I’m a little hurt” Meredith’s voice had raised now, arguing back to Andrew. 

“Secondly, I don’t know what you think you saw, but if you’d stuck around instead of hastily jumping to conclusions you’d have heard Hayes ask me for a coffee, and me telling him I can’t because I’m not available”.

The adrenaline had propelled Meredith forward and she hadn’t noticed until her rant was over that her and Andrew were toe to toe and she had backed him up so he was leaning against the door. 

Their eyes were locked and the tension in the room could be cut with a knife. Andrew was silenced by what she’d said and he didn’t have a response to fire back - he was lost for words. His body was having its own reaction to being this close to her after going days without so much as speaking to her, let alone touching her. For now, he was going with his heart over his head. He couldn’t think straight and his desire took over. 

In a split second, before Meredith could even register what was happening, Andrew grabbed her by the waist and spun them around so now she was the one pressed against the door. He had one hand firmly on her hip keeping her anchored to him, their bodies flush together as if they were made to fit, whilst the other hand gently rested on her neck. His fingers were weaved into her hair, the gentleness of this hand perfectly juxtaposed with the raw desire of the other hand that had snuck under her scrub top to find her bare skin that he so desperately craved. 

Their eyes were locked, both staring at each other as if they were the only two things existing right now. Meredith swore she could see fire in Andrew’s eyes and neither could look away. 

Andrew’s face inched closer and closer to Meredith’s, while she stood frozen on the spot. He realised he was making all of the moves but at this point he no longer cared. He needed her, and she wasn’t pulling away. He could feel she wanted him just as much as he needed her. He just wished she’d show it - after all that’s why they were in the situation in the first place. But his mind was too clouded with her to think about that right now. 

Andrew leaned in and brushed his lips against Meredith’s, the most gentle of touches, not quite a kiss. He whispered against her lips in the hushest of tones. 

“I miss you, Meredith” 

Meredith’s breath audibly caught in her throat and her eyes fluttered closed. She had always been powerless to the way her name sounded on his lips. 

“Andrew..” she whispered back, their lips still touching. 

That was enough for Andrew’s last piece of composure to snap. He’d not heard her say his name like that in what felt like an eternity, seeing as she had now reverted to calling him DeLuca. He leant in to bridge the little space there was left between them. But in that moment, Meredith’s pager beeped. 

The spell between them was broken. Meredith snapped out of her haze and reached for her pager clipped to the waistband of her scrubs. Andrew’s right hand was now resting on the door beside Meredith’s head.

“Damnit 911 on Lionel. He’s crashing” 

With that, Meredith ducked under his arm in one quick move and was out of the door without a glance back at him. 

He hung his head and let out a deep sigh of frustration. He’d come so close, but in this moment he couldn’t tell if he was more disappointed that they had been interrupted, or at himself for letting his resolve fade so quickly and letting his body take charge over his brain. 

He rested both fists on the door and pounded it in frustration. He let his forehead rest on the door for a few seconds while he gained his composure, then headed back to the residents’ lounge for the end of his shift to grab his things. 

Andrew headed home to his lonely apartment that had become obsolete in the last few months since he’d been spending all of his free time at Meredith’s. He hated being here now; it just emphasised his loneliness without her. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and slumped down on his couch. When did Meredith become the be all and end all for him? He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment, but he was willing to bet it had been since that very first kiss at Alex’s wedding. And now look at him, alone on his couch drowning his sorrows. Again. 

He must have fallen asleep on the couch. The next thing Andrew knew, he was being awoken by a pounding at his front door. He glanced over at the clock and saw it was 11pm - he must have been asleep for at least a couple of hours. He then looked at the empty beer bottle that had rested in the crook of his arm. 

The banging on the door continued and Andrew placed the bottle down onto the coffee table. He ran his hands over his face to wake him up slightly and then headed over to open the door. 

Before the door was fully open, a whirlwind of blonde hair was pushing past Andrew. Meredith was here, in his living room, in her pyjama bottoms, sneakers and one of his old t-shirts she had commandeered from him a long time ago. 

“I miss you too” were the only words she said before she was over to Andrew and kissing him as if her life depended on it. Andrew was thrown for a loop and it took his mind a beat or two to catch up with his body. But when he did, he returned the kiss just as passionately, kicking the door shut with his foot and moving them further into the living area. 

************************************************** 

Andrew’s breath was tickling her cheek, his familiar scent intoxicating her, making it hard to think straight. As he brushed his lips against hers, a tease of a kiss, her eyes fluttered closed and she revelled in the feeling of having him so close. 

Just as she was about to give in and allow herself what she’d been missing these past few days, her pager beeped. Her patient was crashing. 

“Damnit, 911 on Lionel. He’s crashing”. 

Meredith ducked out from Andrew’s embrace and ran to the OR floor where her intern would meet her to try to save their patient. 

Meredith scrubbed in and assessed the situation. He had more internal bleeding than he’d originally come in with, but she located the bleed early and the rest of the procedure was fairly straight forward after the initial panic. The rest of the surgery was second nature to Meredith, allowing her time with her thoughts, which was rare for her. 

Maybe her pager going off was a blessing in disguise? Undoubtedly, she missed Andrew and craved him after this time apart. But was what was inevitably about to happen a good idea before they had even talked? Probably not. Meredith wasn’t one for words and didn’t know where to start. Did Andrew really think she’d be interested in Dr Hayes, especially after they’d been apart for less than a week? She decided it was definitely a good thing the pager went off when it did - their feelings were too complex and sex would have complicated things further. 

She scrubbed out of the surgery after a couple of hours and decided to head home. It was late, her brain was fried and she needed some time to think. 

Meredith arrived home, the kids already in bed again as it had just gone 9pm. She hated that she’d not been home to put them to bed two nights in a row, so she helped herself to a large glass of wine and then headed upstairs to check on them before heading into her own room. She decided to run a bath to try and relax herself, but she was too restless to sit there and got out not long after getting in. 

She got out of the bath and headed back into her room to change. She immediately reached for Andrew’s t-shirt which was lying on her pillow and threw it on, breathing him in. Climbing into bed, she sat with her glass of wine and a medical journal she’d been reading on and off; unable to concentrate enough to finish it this past week. 

How had it come to this, she thought to herself. She couldn’t relax, was barely sleeping. She thought once she got back to work she’d be happy again and nothing else would matter. But there was something missing, something bigger and more meaningful than work (wow, did she really just think that? The old Meredith Grey would be shocked). She knew she loved Andrew, but now she was beginning to realise she needed him, too. She didn’t feel whole when he wasn’t around. 

With that realisation, Meredith sat bolt upright, chugged what was left of her wine and got out of bed, throwing on her hoodie and sneakers. Maggie, who was in her room, heard her rushing around and poked her head out of the door. 

“You ok, Mer? What's going on?” 

“Oh Maggie, great. Can you watch the kids for a while? I need to go” 

“Sure, but.. where are you going?” Maggie called after Meredith but she was already down the stairs and out of the door, leaving Maggie standing in the hallway alone. It took Maggie a minute, but she registered Mer’s clothing and realised there’s only one place she could he going dressed like that. With a small nod of her head and smile, Maggie popped her head into each of the kids’ rooms before heading back to bed, leaving her door slightly ajar so she’d hear them if they woke up. 

Meredith’s slender fingers drummed on her steering wheel as she waited at a red light before turning into Andrew’s street. She didn’t know what she’d come here to say but she just knew they needed to talk and she couldn’t wait any longer. She parked the car at the kerb, turned off the engine and rushed out of the car. She passed a delivery guy on the way out so she headed straight up to his door, the adrenaline pushing her forward and up the stairs in record time. 

She knocked on his door, but there was no answer. She banged again, and just as she was thinking he must not be home, Andrew opened the door. He looked half asleep as he ran his fingers through his already messy hair. 

“Mered…” Andrew started with a look of confusion on his perfect face, but she didn’t let him finish. 

Seeing him like this stirred up the tension and passion in her from her office this morning, and she couldn’t resist any longer. 

“I miss you too” was all she said before she leapt towards him, crashing her lips into his, not able to get to him quickly enough. 

Andrew was hesitant for a second before he realised what was going on. He kicked the door closed and took charge, backing Meredith over to the couch. 

They collapsed onto the sofa and Meredith climbed on top of Andrew, hastily removing his shirt as if she couldn’t get it off of him quick enough. She’d missed his broad shoulders and the planes of his chest, running her hands over his bare skin frantically trying to take him all in and touch him everywhere she could. 

Andrew wasted no time in doing the same, peeling his t-shirt over Meredith’s head and discarding it onto the floor. They were both panting already, kisses getting sloppier and hands roaming further. Andrew went to unhook Meredith’s bra, which must have snapped her out of the Andrew-filled haze she was in because she stopped the kiss and moved his hand away. 

“Andrew, wait…” 

Andrew sighs in frustration. “Meredith, if you just came here to get my hopes up and then take them away…” 

“Andrew - stop. I came here to talk, I just got a little sidetracked seeing you again after this morning in my office.” 

Meredith slid off of Andrew’s lap back onto the couch, gathering her shirt off of the floor. It was then Andrew noticed she was wearing the shirt he’d left at her house. He smiled a little, but decided not to say anything. He was still shirtless and he noticed her eyes roaming over his chest before looking away again - another small victory, he thought. 

“Ok.. Let’s talk” Andrew said. But he didn’t say anything else. He wanted her to talk, to know what she was thinking - he’d said all he had to say after her trial. He had to wait for her to come to a decision now. 

“Ok” Meredith hesitated a little, before continuing, as if she was still a little unsure of how to begin, but once she did it all came tumbling out. 

“I know you didn’t dump me, Andrew. It was unfair of me to say that. And you weren’t unreasonable to ask me for what you did. To take some time to think about what I wanted. But you have to know that when you asked me to do that, I’d had an emotional few months, and the day from hell. That guy killed Derek, and he was deciding my future! It wasn’t fair of you to put a decision like that on me as well” 

Andrew shifted his position to face her on the couch. He reached out and placed his hand gently on her knee, needing to make even the slightest contact with her. He looked her in the eye when he responded. 

“I know, Meredith and in hindsight I know I shouldn’t have done that, and I’m sorry. But it doesn’t change how I feel about our situation. I feel disposable to you, like you don’t need me at all. And I’m in this so deep Meredith - I’m terrified you don’t feel the same. I told you that you don’t see me as your equal - which I’ve come to realise that maybe I’m not, professionally at least, and that’s ok. You’re a brilliant surgeon, Meredith and I can only hope to be at your level one day. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be your equal, your partner, in our relationship. I want to be with you Meredith, all or nothing. And that’s where you need to make the decision if you want that, too”. 

“You’re so full of feelings Andrew - and I don’t mean that in a bad way” She added hastily when she realised he looked a little hurt at the comment. “But I’m just not used to it”.

She looked down at her hands and twiddled them nervously as she continued. 

“I’d been alone for a long time before we got together, and before that I was married to someone who I loved, but wasn’t always the best partner for me. Our relationship wasn’t one of equals. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that this is new to me. It’s taking some getting used to. But I want to get used to it. I love you, Andrew. And I do respect you, more than you know. I respect how kind and thoughtful you are, how much you do for me and the kids, how selfless you are. It’s just harder for me to show it sometimes, but I promise I want to work on it. You might just need to be a little patient with me. This past week without you I’ve been miserable, I’ve missed you so much, and so have the kids - they keep asking after you. I want to do this properly. I want to be together.” 

Andrew was stunned into silence for a moment; Meredith rarely spoke about her feelings and now here she was pouring out everything in one long monologue. He couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing - she did want to be with him. He was ecstatic, which was shown by the idiotic grin that was slowly spreading across his face. 

“So… you don’t want to grab that coffee with Dr Hayes, then?” He teased and laughed. He didn’t need to say anything else, or to be serious anymore. He wore his heart on his sleeve and Meredith already knew everything he felt. He wanted to lighten the mood so they could get past this and back to the relationship that came so naturally to them. Back to their usual happy, honeymoon-phase selves. 

Meredith playfully hit him on the shoulder, throwing her head back and laughing. She felt so much lighter after letting those feelings out, knowing that Andrew was willing to be patient and help her navigate their relationship. She knew she had to put in more effort with him, but he was worth it. She loved him, as terrifying as that was, and she wanted to be with him, which she hoped he now knew. 

Andrew reached out to grab the arm Meredith had playfully hit him with, and used it to pull her towards him. He stood up, pulling her up with him, and carried her into his bedroom. She wrapped her legs around him and held on tightly, burying her face into his neck and breathing him in. His smell was the same as that of his shirt she couldn't bear to part with, but stronger. It was a smell that made her feel safe and connected to someone; she never wanted to let him go. Andrew placed her gently down onto his bed, and the couple resumed what they had started earlier on the couch. But this time, there was less urgency and desperation, but instead softer and slower, taking each other in. They were both being fuelled by the love they felt for each other. 

They both felt it. The feeling that now they were stronger than ever, having both bared their feelings to each other and both committed to making this work. A proper relationship, a chance at being equals in their partnership. And as they made love, they both knew that they were going to be ok, because their love was stronger than anything that could come between them.

**Author's Note:**

> So I feel like the ending trailed off a bit and I didn't really know how to finish this, but I hope you enjoy!


End file.
